SomeAchaar

Why women cheat?

This was an article featured in TOI edition of today, and as expected it aroused a lot of sentimental feedback as well. This was always gonna be the case and I guess the newspaper knew it very well before it even published it. So there are two controversies here

1. Should a Indian newspaper publish such articles which are an “obvious’ violation of Indian culture?
2. Even if it is assumed that this is a free culture, are we allowed or justified to give acceptance to ‘extra marital’ affairs, or flings as the article calls it.

I am taking on the second controversy listed first. A deeper reading of the article would suggest that male cheating his counterpart is now a acceptable part of our society and now women are finding themselves “empowered” or “liberated” enough to have similar flings. So lets check if it is true? And if yes for whom, if no then probably forum opens up for the first controversy in action here.
As per a UN report 2008, 60% of married women in India face “domestic violence”, so I assume that 60% of the married women are not even empowered with fundamental right of dignity , having “liberty” to have flings is far by true a thing for these women. To actually empower these women India had this “bell bajao” movement started in 2008.

May be if this logic is not enough the below statistics will make the picture clearer
India Country Statistics - DHS

India Country Statistics - DHS
Indicator 1992/93 1998/99
Percentage of women with no education 61.5 53.5
Percentage of women with access to newspaper, television and radio 11.9
Total fertility rate (children per women) 3.4 2.8
Median age at first birth for women age 25-49 (years) 19.4 19.4
Percentage of teenagers who have begun childbearing 23.2 20.6
Percentage of married women currently using any method of family planning 40.7 48.2
Percentage of married women currently using any modern method of family planning 36.5 42.8
Median age at first marriage for women age 25-49 (years) 16.9 16.9
Percentage of married women who want no more children 25.9 27.5
Percentage of married women with an unmet need for family planning 16.5 15.8
Mean ideal number of children 2.9 2.7
Infant mortality rate (per 1,000 live births) 78.5 67.6
Under-five mortality rate (per 1,000 live births) 109.4 94.9
Percentage of children fully immunized 35.4 39.4
Median breastfeeding duration (months) 24.4 25.4
Percentage of women who have ever heard of AIDS 40.3
Percentage of women who know no ways to avoid AIDS 17.5

So as per the census of 2001, the total number of women ever married was 43,715,682 of the total women population of 80,546,940. To sum up
54% of the total women population is married
Out of these 60% do not even have fundamental security / freedom / dignity, which leaves me with 40% of this 54%, which is a number of 17486373 approximately. And I assume the women with “access to newspaper, television and radio “would be amongst these 40% only, and it can only be this population of women who would take a proactive step to cheat on their husbands as the article suggests.
We boil down to a population of 2098365.
Now lets check on the stats of divorces filed from 2001 in india. I am considering cases for following
1. Incompatibility issues
2. Money / Monetary issue / Dowry
3. Deficiencies / disorders
4. Desertion
5. Mutual consent for divorce
Last three will have a direct correlation with the issue in taking, but giving editor a benefit of doubt we will take the entire figure of divorces, which is 1,00,000 as per census of India 2001, which is 4% of 12% of 40% of entire women population in India.

I guess Mr. Editor, needs to explain now whether his newspaper has a base of only these many readers or have they also joined the league of “yellow journalism” and are sown to selling sex, and controversy to spice up some circulation.
On a ligher note, that is why I always said, rakhi should not be allowed to have national impact… it has ruined the intellectuals as well.

There is an “I” in Happiness, and not a “Y” but the irony is that most of the times it is a big “why” which needs to be answered before reaching the “I”. I also happened to go through a similar journey in past 9 months.

Yes 9 months is the time which it takes for a baby to travel its journey from inception to birth and may be it’s a coincidence but it is exactly the time which I took to get some of my most burning questions answered. But you ask any of the three, the baby, and the mother who carried the baby or even me………… “Was it as easy as it looked?” and I can assure you the answer is “No, it’s definitely much more difficult and tough than it looks”

October 2008 – this part of my life is called questioning

The annual national summit held at my insti was in full swing, we had big shots visiting us, CEO’s / COO’s, MD‘s , Board of directors of top MNC interacting with us in a formal set up directly. But all these things have actually lost there meaning and have become more of an event where B-Schools display their “strength”; who can manage to call dignitaries of which level……. Anyways, I had distanced myself from the back end part of it having worked in it for first year. This time I wanted to notice and find out, what makes them successful? I wasn’t gonna do by the words they speak, MBA had very well prepared me for any glamorous, jazzed up language.

After noticing them, asking them questions, speaking with them I realized that every person was very different, so what is it that makes you more successful? I had done my MBA for a very different reason, I had not looked at it as a finishing school to get fat pay cheques, but very soon after entering the college I realized that others had only this reason to so this course. So my questions were building up

Why did I choose to do my MBA?
If this country has a million of MBA grad coming out every year, what makes me different?
What makes someone more successful than other?
Where do I want to be at age 45?

November 2008 – this part of my life is called hoping and believing

“India Decoupled”, “Recession not to hit India”, “Companies still hungry for talent” and many articles like this in a leading financial daily had me believe that everything was fine with Indian MNC’s. I could afford my dream of looking for a profile and not CTC, and times were not bad enough to not even look at any of them but just grab a job!

I was hoping, I hoped that I will definitely get something which I would enjoy doing, where I would enjoy being. I believed that I was good enough a candidate that even if I get to sit in one company of my choice and match, I will make it through. People around me mocked at my belief and hope since times were continuously getting tougher.

December 2008 – this part of my life is called Decision Making

Placement season had started, and an unexpected number of companies had finally refused to visit, citing “uncertainty”. Most of them planning to visit in February / March, once things get settled in the markets.

I could have made it to first company itself, since it asked for a CGPA, not many had, but I chose not to. I could have got through in the second company since it was looking for an experience I had, and I had a brilliant one, but I chose not to. Some companies came, went, and finally I sat in a company which was being sold to a Indian IT giant. I hoped that I would get a profile I wanted, but the HR wasn’t too sure of the openings. So she put me on hold, took my resume with her saying “I would get back to you”. By then I wasn’t experienced enough to know this actually means “Chances are bleak buddy, I am not too sure”

The first round of companies was exhausted – and I was jobless. Close friends, relatives and near & dear ones tried to convince me that I should be grabbing anything which comes my way in these times.

But I decided to wait and was ready to go down on roads to search a job, which might pay be a Zilch but give me something which I would enjoy doing.

January 2009 – this part of my life is called reality check

Surrounded by the secure environment of my insti, I had made some bold decisions but the reality outside was harsh, bitter and very much not to my likings. My friends in other B-Schools had already taken up the first thing which came their way and were happy “settled”, while companies outside were not responding at all. I registered myself at job portals, which by the way were full of CV’s and a general perception amongst the HR fraternity was that “best would have already got a job”, which I believe is not completely true in such times. May be the desperate lot, or people who do not have a belief that they can survive the dark days are the first ones to get placed apart from a few who are lucky enough to find a matching opportunity of their liking.

Final Sem project was to begin next month and none of the unplaced students wanted to go out of the city to do a project, so ultimately 3-6 people ended up doing one GB project!! Like a breather for a person gasping for breath, I got a chance to work with the ITeS leader of world, but the opportunity was in Gurgaon, away from the place companies would be visiting to hire…….. But the project was only for me, in a great set up and of my liking. This was something I wanted to do…. But the risk of leaving the campus was huge…..

I finally decided to chuck everything and join in Gurgaon. It was a move taken by “Risk –Reward analysis”. Risk was that I was leaving the hiring event at campus, and the reward was based on the fact that 100% of the interns from our campus had got job offer from this company. And I left for this new destination of mine; still hoping that something good will happen in coming two months.

February 2009 – April 2009 – this part of my life is called internship

With hopes floating high and belief on Almighty and oneself intact I joined as an intern on the 4^th day of February. My mentor was an IIM grad, and in the very first meeting she set her expectation clear on table, 1. Nothing substandard would suffice her requirement, 2. She expected me to be on the ‘job’ for a minimum 12 hours a day 3. Even when I had no exposure to a call center floor, I was expected to learn quickly and never sit in front of her without a notepad to note down her feedback!!!!!!!

I had only a smile to give back to her, but I knew it was going to be a tough ride in coming 3 months. The very first day I was handed over a 200 page COPC standard document to go through and learn, adapt to call center vocabulary. I sat on the floor, where people around me were continuously speaking over a head set, appeasing and solving queries of some Australian.

I knew no body, and nobody bothered who am I or what am I doing here…. I used to have my lunch alone, tea on my seat because work was the only entertainment left for me….. My place of stay was friendlier but I used to reach only by 11 in night and leave at 8 again in morning.

I had limited money, so I had to wash my clothes in a basin, eat whatever was available at lowest rate in market, take the cheapest mode of transportation, walk to the extent I could walk, and look for any opportunity to save.

For the first 40 days, I felt unnoticed, unappreciated and unrecognized for the amount of hard work I was putting in. I was not getting time to check my mails and missed out on numerous occasions to sign up for companies. Things back had changed; people were less bothered about anybody who was not in campus. As one of them said to me later, “For me only students in campus count, we are not counting anybody else”. It seemed I had taken a very bad deal for myself; I left the comfortable stay of campus, got into a environment where I was not ‘required’ and was loosing opportunities to get placed.

But I didn’t know that it was just the beginning of the price I needed to pay to “do something I like, the way I like, and where I like”.

Things got worse; close one’s who had some expectation from me started putting pressure in one form or other, doubted my capabilities and even my dream. Every possible explanation tabled and argued over for me to bow down and accept even a job which would pay me less than what I was earning as an engineer. I was starting to get sleepless nights, some nightmares and tension good enough to make some painful impressions on my lower neck!!!

While I was in this deep whirlpool of events, on the 43^rd day of my internship, I received my first appreciation from my guide. This was the first time she had spoken positively about the work I had done, and made me realize that it was just not a Green Belt project which I am doing. Her words made me felt that I had some hope of getting absorbed in this company itself. However destiny had some other plans for me, while my guide became more of my mentor for both the spheres of work, it was to be found that there was a huge bench of people in my band, so it was next to impossible for getting absorbed.

Days went on and finally when all my efforts started failing, I started working on my employment with full bat thrown at it, I was working 18 to 19 hours a day, 11 – 12 hours in office, 1 hour travelling and rest on net surfing for jobs, applying on portals, uploading my resume on company websites, calling and contacting job consultants.

I would not have sent less than a 500 e- mails, made phone calls which costed me around 3000 INR per month, countless uploads of resume, numerous versions, and the upper limit to apply jobs on portal exhausted!!!

My dream was broken, shattered badly, and a lesson “A bird in hand is better than two in the bush” learnt the hard way!!! May be the answers to my questions were something like this 1. I was a fool to take up MBA and that too in this stream, 2. Only opportunists succeed in this worked 3. People who take up the first thing in life and flow with the time are the ones who are more successful than people who fight against the flow.

As a great gesture of help and support, my mentor and her boss got together to get me an extension of internship, a thing which had never happened in this company before!! And this gave a happiness which I had not experienced before as well, to be different than a lot of people around, and getting recognized for it was a new experience. While there was some relief through this, times had not changed; I was out on the roads of Gurgaon, with resume in my hand and a presentation. I went door to door to many companies in Sec – 18, DLF where most of the companies of Gurgaon are… sweating under hot scorching sun, walking on roads, not knowing what had gone wrong that I had to see these days after passing out of an elite B-School of India.

By now I had learnt a few very important lessons, this lean, harsh ruthless period had taught me how to evaluate an opportunity, it gave me some fabulous exposure to meet people of the likes of my mentor, her boss and a few others with whom I wish to have a long lasting relationship. It taught me how even good people can turn bad in some situations, and most importantly I learnt that Trust, Hope, and Belief are three life lines which a person should always use. They should be a non exhaustive resource for you, and every time the going gets tough, things seem to have gone so out of control that nothing seems correct around, you are in a phase where you hate someone you have loved most, then you should give it some time. Just release things and sit back for events to unfold, accept whatever is the present reality. Relax very hard, I say very hard because relaxing is the most difficult thing to do in such times, and start enjoying your daily life without thinking about the future. Have courage to smile back at bad luck, tough times.

June 29^th 2009 – This part……….. This little part of my life is called “happ’y’ness”

In an ongoing fight for a job, I ultimately made it through to a world giant, the best of even what the people who got placed in October – December period had got. It was my last hope, but certainly wasn’t the least. This small moment of life……… which trickled a few tears around my eyes, many in my mothers eyes, and some in the eyes of near ones, is called Happiness. I will treasure this moment for my entire life, and remember my fight……………………………………… my new birth. The ‘y’ was conquered, and ‘I’ was back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SomeAchaar

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Saturday, October 10, 2009

TOI doing "yellow journalism"??????

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Thursday, October 08, 2009

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Thursday, October 01, 2009

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Friday, July 31, 2009

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"Gyaan" Ganga

BlOg SaGaR

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